From Forever Single to Forever in Love

To those of you who are reading this because you’re in the forever single boat wondering if you’ll ever get washed up by a wave of love–yes it’s possible. If you’re reading this because previous posts of mine show an independent, adventure seeking, never settling gal, read on. People can still stay the same but change at the same time.

Even if you’ve deemed yourself forever single, future cool aunt, or crazy cat lady, as set in your ways as you are, all it takes is one person, one moment, to change the rest of your life as you know it.

Wrong people, wrong places
High school relationships, first love, long distance–some of these relationships last, but some of them don’t. Maybe you meet the person who seems right in the moment, but is really just distracting your mind from the reality around you. Maybe you meet someone awesome but you have goals that don’t align. Back to square one, again. I always thought I was forever single but that was before I had a better understanding of what I wanted in the next 5 years of my life. I was in high school, I knew I was going to be in high school for 4 years. College, I knew I was living at home and would be there for a few years. The future didn’t seem as real as it does now. When you finally hit that point in your life– let’s call it adulthood for fun–you can finally meet the right person, in the right place, at the right time.

Master in Being Single
Being single is great, especially if you can actually learn to enjoy your own presence. Go places alone, it doesn’t have to be to another country, maybe just to see a movie no one will go see with you. You have to truly become happy with “dating yourself” before you can be with someone wholeheartedly. Get to know yourself. Leave your hometown if you can, even if it’s only for a short time. Live alone and face challenges alone. Learn to make a half way decent meal. Do all the things and do them carefree–to an extent. As rewarding as being with someone is, you won’t have these moments again so enjoy them while you can and don’t rush into a relationship if you haven’t dated yourself first.

Forever in Love
After you’ve worked through your own challenges and you’re comfortable with yourself, you may get lucky and meet your forever person. It may be someone you’ve met before and now see in a different light or someone new. It might not be as magical as the movies, or maybe it will be. I would have to say that I’ve been blessed with most wonderful man in the world and I’m not just saying that. I’ve found my forever person. You’ll know when you have found yours too, and the forever single mentality will turn to forever in love. It will have your friends, family, and even yourself thinking “Who is this new person?” but you’re still the same person, who made room for a co-pilot on this wonderful journey called life.

The Game Changer

If you were to read all of my previous posts you would see this: A girl who loves adventure, an explorer of all things, and has a pretty carefree spirit. She also was sold on the fact that she would be forever single, without a family of her own except for a dog, and just taking it one adventure at a time. Most of that still holds true except for a few, well major important details. Going forward here’s what you will see: A girl who loves adventure, an explorer of all things, and has a pretty carefree spirit. With the love of her life by her side taking it one adventure at a time.

Behind it all… I still wanted to be the girl making a Pinterest wedding board and thinking of cute school lunches I could make for my kids someday (dogs or mini-me’s still questionable). I was just happy and okay with who and how I was—which is the most important part of the puzzle. Everything to come after was just a bonus, an extension to the already functioning girl who had her place in the world.

I didn’t expect to fall in love and find the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, especially so quickly. He was certainly a game changer. I’m not the type of girl to fall for someone and not change my mind a couple weeks later, or realize I was actually falling for the idea and they weren’t the person for me at all. I surprised myself too. 

I know what you’re thinking—how do you know you’re going to spend the rest of life with him? I don’t but I’ve never felt this way before and when you know, you know. Yes, many people say the same things and their relationships don’t last… whether it be 5 months, 5 years, or even 25 years later and it ends. Sure that’s a possibility but I’m not those people. And regardless of what happens even 5 days from now, I know that I’m the happiest I’ve ever been and nothing is going to ruin that.

We want the same things, but we aren’t the same people. We are such different people in so many ways but we both love and appreciate the same important stuff.

He has the big family I also hoped to be a part of some day. Being the only child, I would have had to to rely on hoping my cousins wouldn’t get tired of me spending time with them.

Not one thing about him annoys me—and thats huge for me.

Here I was playing a game of Trouble thinking I would be stuck going around the board forever, until one day I popped the right number on the die and landed right into home base with my other half. Game. Changer. 

The Perfect Fit

Have you ever spent hours trying to put a puzzle together and none of the pieces seem to fit? You get frustrated trying to find matching pieces but get nowhere. You may even start trying to force pieces together that don’t even match just to make it seem like you’re going somewhere with the puzzle.

Sometimes there are pieces that don’t even belong in your box from other puzzles that were mixed in along the way. Your puzzle might even be missing a few pieces of its own. You spend time rummaging through getting rid of all the pieces that don’t belong and decide to come back on another day with a fresh perspective.

New day, new start. You sit down with a desire to finally put this puzzle together. You get a few pieces together right before you’re interrupted. At least you had made some progress… only to return and find that someone took the puzzle apart.

Back to the beginning. This time two sets of eyes. It doesn’t hurt to have a support system to help you put the puzzle together or keep an eye out for anyone looking to mess it up.

Everything starts flowing. The pieces finally fit together, perfectly. You aren’t forcing them, they just fit. As time keeps moving you continue to find new pieces that match. Each piece telling a different part of the story the puzzle has to tell. Some digging to the bottom of the box and trial and error are required, but for the most part this puzzle is really starting to work out in your favor.

You may never get those missing pieces back and some pieces might even be damaged. There’s no guarantee that someone isn’t going to come along and try to take the puzzle apart but now that almost all the pieces are together, it makes it more difficult to take them apart. Besides, you have your support system looking out for it.

Now all that’s left to do is sit back and enjoy the beautiful masterpiece you put together.

Prince Charming

In previous posts I mention on numerous occasions that I will remain forever single unless Prince Charming comes along. Up until now, I never thought that could actually happen. Prince Charming is someone you read about in children’s books or watch in Hallmark movies. The sappy, melt your heart, brings tears to your eyes stuff you know will never actually happen to you, until one day it does.

It wasn’t really expected. Yes, I dangled my hair from the tower calling for him but this is an almost impossible task. I’ve done it before and usually if someone makes it to the top, they don’t have the desire to bring us both back down and is never to return again. Sometimes I would cut my hair before they reached the window and would have to wait for it to grow back before trying again. This time, a true gentleman came who was up for the challenge and did it with such grace and kindness. 

So the real Prince Charming is someone who saves the girl from evil right? In a way I could say that my Prince Charming did that. He saved me from the evil of being hurt, the evil of not feeling safe being away from family, the evil of not giving love a chance. He saved me in more ways than I could have ever saved myself. No, I wasn’t a hopeless girl waiting for love to find me, I was an independent woman loving life and myself the best I could and this different kind of love swept me off my feet.

I end this post by saying my Prince Charming has come and although many views from previous posts stay true, I am opening myself up to new possibilities and allowing this story to create itself. All I have to do is appreciate the beauty of it.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Life Without Tacos

A life without tacos…what?! I couldn’t imagine. No this blog post isn’t actually about tacos…but it is, just metaphorically speaking.

For me, it’s tacos. Think of something amazing in your life that hasn’t always been there but now that it is you could never imagine a life without it. Maybe it’s a restaurant, a new gym, or a go-to relaxing spot. Something that was most likely outside of your comfort zone but you tried it and loved it and can’t live without it now.

Take a step back. Imagine had you not tried, experienced, indulged in this and it wasn’t in existence in your life.

For years I stayed in my comfort zone and only got chicken quesadillas at mexican restaurants. I convinced myself that I didn’t like anything else on the menu—so why bother trying it? Now I rarely get anything but tacos because one day things changed and I just decided to try them.

To stop making you hungry, let’s get to the true jist of the meaning here. Just like with tacos, I have taken risks, tried new things, and made changes in my life that I couldn’t live without.

If I never decided to study abroad, I wouldn’t have discovered my love for traveling. If I never went exploring alone I would have never saw some of the most beautiful places in the US. If I never moved to a new place alone I would have never discovered so many things within myself. AND if I never tried tacos I wouldn’t have known how amazing they truly are.

Sure, you can live without something you’ve never had in life but whats the fun in that? Try all the things. Do all the things. Be all the things. And definitley eat all the things. 

Why January Felt So Long

You probably aren’t the only one who felt like January was never ending–for most this is how it felt. We’re already one week down of February and it already feels like it’s moving faster.  

Post-Holiday Blues
Regardless if the holidays are enjoyable for you or not–they are overwhelming and draining. You’re not in your normal routine, spending more, eating more, seeing more family and friends, etc. After all of this ends it can be difficult to get back into a normal schedule. You may being feeling emotional because the holidays are happier times or emotionally drained because they aren’t. Sometimes it can take the whole month of January to recover.

Ch-Ch-Changes
The new year tends to bring lots of changes. Maybe a new job, moving, ending a relationship, joining a new club in school…this can be a lot to handle. Although many of these things may bring good for you, it’s still a huge adjustment and getting used to it can seem like forever.

Gloomy Weather
Unless you have the luxury of living in a place that’s warm year round or having a summer and winter home, you most likely have to deal with some unpleasant weather. Maybe you like the snow but the cold generally makes people less happy. The days are shorter, there’s less sunshine, in turn just making the month seem even longer.

New Years Resa-what?
If you’re attempting to make a new years resolution this goes along with change– doing something you’re not used to and don’t particularly enjoy can make time drag. You’re wondering if your month of whole 30 will ever end or threw your resolution out the window after a week and now you’re waiting for a fresh month to start again. Never. Ending.

If you’re reading this, you made it through the brutal month of January. The rest of the year will probably fly by, so enjoy the ride.

Keep Moving Forward

Sometimes you have to do hard things in life in order to keep moving forward. 

From previous posts you’ve probably come to the conclusion that I am forever single, independent, and constantly changing. Who would have ever thought that I’d be in a relationship? Not me. Well, it happened–meaning past tense it’s no longer happening. I wouldn’t take it back because I feel everything happens for a reason and if nothing else, the relationship taught me some life lessons and I learned more about myself. 

It was pretty easy, but almost too easy.
Sure, it’s nice to have an easy relationship that doesn’t require any work…but isn’t it the work you put in that helps build the bond? We only had one small fight in the few months we were together, but there wasn’t reciprocal emotion to create any fights or to create a stronger bond. It was almost as if we planted our seeds but forgot to water them. They were cozy and warm in the soil, but there was no growth.

The connection was only physical
There were fireworks when we kissed, great, but where was the spark in the rest of the relationship? There was no emotion. I’m a hopeless romantic and wear my heart on my sleeve and he was the opposite. I like to do corny things to show I care, he didn’t seem to show he cared much at all.

The relationship was draining
I’m guilty of being an over thinker. Am I making him happy? Am I doing enough? Does he still love his ex? Is there a future between us? What is he thinking? Does he like doughnuts? (LOL) But in all seriousness, I was overthinking more than I was just trying to enjoy the moment. This all had to do with him not showing any emotion, I didn’t actually know him deep down and I’m curious of the unknown in all things in my life. 

I was losing part of my inner core
It really wasn’t until my friend brought it to my attention, that I actually wasn’t myself. Sure there’s other things going on in my life right now that are impacting that as well but really, it was mostly the relationship. Instead of writing, working out, or exploring, I would be trying to plan stuff in my head he and I could do together or just trying to see him when he never really took initiative to say “hey let’s go do this”. To me,  a relationship should make your core stronger but it was just making mine weaker. 

Deep down, I wanted more
As much as I love being the spontaneous person who takes people on adventures, I would equally enjoy someone doing that for me. I know I haven’t met too many people with the same spirit as myself but adventure, travel, and passion in life are all important things to me and if someone doesn’t have those things, it’s just not going to work. 

There’s more to why the relationship had to end but this is a blog, not a diary. I’ve learned that you can’t stay in situations just because you feel comfortable. With everything else in my life, the greatest things have come from stepping outside of my comfort zone. Some things are scarier and harder to do than others but you have to do what’s best for yourself, always. Just. Keep. Moving.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Struggle of Settling

It’s been way too long since I’ve posted a blog–almost a year. I have so much content I want to add from my trip to Amsterdam back in March to my current life in South Carolina but the hot topic on my mind right now is settling and more specifically not settling.

We live in a society where were told to live a certain way based on our family, friends, media, etc. We’re improving from this–there’s a growing population of “van-lifers” and more people not having children or doing untraditional things but the vast majority of people still seem to be stuck in the mind set that there’s a right and wrong way to live life.

As I’ve mentioned in other posts, I really don’t want kids and I’m equally okay with not getting married. With both of those things, I really don’t have to settle in life. I won’t have anything tying me down or holding me back. Of course, there’s always friends and family  but for temporary situations all I really need is myself. 

I’ve started to blame my ways of life on my zodiac sign–I don’t know much about how it works, but I do know that 99% of what describes a gemini is me. We need excitement, variety, and bore easily. 

I’ll never settle in love
I used to blame my singleness on guys–they’re all the same, he’s too nice, he doesn’t have goals and ambitions, he’s sure to bring me down with him, he’s just going to use me for what he wants. When really I bet the perfect guy could come around and I’d find some way to mess it up because I know I don’t want to settle. Yes, I crave the attention and aspects of a relationship but I also know I am a constantly changing being and I’m not sure where I’m flying to in my journey next so it’s easier to make things complicated or non-exsistiant in order to avoid commitment.

I’ll never settle in my career
This is something that may serve as a negative thing but for me I don’t see it that way. I need variety. I’ve never stuck to one particular thing for a long period of time. This isn’t because I’m not hardworking or dedicated–because I am, but my mind wanders often and I’m always looking for something new and exciting. As soon as I could get a job at 15 I started working. I stayed in a similar setting throughout high school but was never at one job for longer than a year or two–by choice. Once I got to college my jobs started lasting for longer amounts of time but always variety- dental clerk, to front desk at a gym, to group fitness instructor, and activities aide. Plus my wellness related internships. Always. Something. New. I want to work for a year in Ireland, a year in New Zealand, live in Colorado for a little bit, get a taste of the West Coast and real Malibu breeze for a while. I want to build an online career where I can work from my computer in Bali. I want to live with two little dogs in a small town in the North Carolina mountains. Will I do all of it? Maybe. 

I’ll never settle in where I live
This goes along with not settling in my career. Life wasn’t meant to be lived staying in one place. I’ve had so much variety in just the last three years of my life alone that I know I can’t stay planted in one place for too long. I’ve studied aboard in Spain, currently  live in South Carolina until the end of the year, have moved from the home I knew for a good amount of my life to a new one. I love the beach but feel a certain type of way when  I’m in the mountains. I want to embrace it all. I want to volunteer abroad. Live in a tiny house or a little cottage. Share a place with like-minded people. Maybe join the Peace Corps. Deck out an old VW van or a little RV and road trip around the US. I can’t accomplish all of these things if I allow myself to stay trapped in the limits of my city lines. 

I’ll just never settle
I’m not meant to fall into the basic get married, have kids, yada yada. I was put on this earth to explore, roam, make connections, experience all the things. Sure, part of my personality likes the idea of settling somewhere in North Carolina or maybe even PA with two little dogs, drinking wine, watching Netflix, and going out and exploring when I want to but the other half of me is always changing my mind, coming up with something else to add to my bucket list. I’m either going a 100 mph or cruising in the right lane. There’s usually not much of an in between. Regardless of my ever-changing ways some things will always stay true which are my passions and values.

With all of that, if you can take anything from it– take this: Don’t be afraid of doing what makes you happy, even if it doesn’t make complete sense. Don’t think you have to fall into a certain way of doing things just because that’s how its “supposed” to be. And most importantly don’t get discouraged when things don’t work out as planned or imagined. Who knows I could fall in love with Prince Charming, have myself a little Princess and live happily ever after–but that’s not likely.

 

 

The Struggle of the Middle Phase

Ever feel like you meet the right person at the wrong time? Have a phone filled with unsaved numbers and lies? Feel like you’re a magnet for all the wrong guys? Want a relationship but also don’t want one at the same time? Want to have fun and enjoy life without being committed but want someone who treats you right?

If you’re anything like me— been single for 5+ years, content with being single, independent, have been working on yourself without seeking a relationship, tired of the having “fun” stage but not quite sure you’re ready to settle down. It’s a struggle. People you graduated high school with having babies and getting married or both. You’re just not ready for all that.

You want someone to appreciate you, but not blowing up your phone.
You like being independent, not having to answer to anyone, ignoring your phone for hours while you binge watch the Hallmark channel. Having someone who constantly texts you wanting to know what you’re doing or gets mad if you don’t answer isn’t for you. You finally don’t have to answer to your parents about where you’re going, why would you want to answer to someone else? Not all guys are like this but you never know. On the other hand, having someone text you sweet things once in a while, having someone to share your accomplishments with, be there for you when you’re sad, mad, happy, or anywhere in-between would be nice.

You want someone to go on cute dates with.
You can only convince your friends to do so much but having someone to go on random trips with, do silly or adventurous things, go to a drive in movie, or just cuddle with watching a movie. There’s just something different about sharing these experiences with someone you’re dating and not just a friend.

There’s still so much more you want to do with your life.
And a relationship doesn’t really fit into that. You want to travel. Volunteer abroad. Go to grad school in another state. Take a job the first random place you find—even if that’s across the country. Whatever it may be, getting involved doesn’t seem fair because you’re not sure where you’ll be a few years from now. Hurting yourself or another person wouldn’t be right and neither would jeopardizing your dreams for love.

You want to buy/do things for someone special.
There’s just something about showing how you care for someone with a simple gesture. Buying them a mug that says “World’s best *insert job here*” when they get a new job, or decorating their house/room for a holiday, giving them a massage after a long day, making silly coupons, making a gift a scavenger hunt. You just have a creative side that you don’t want to waste on someone who doesn’t care about you. You’d also like someone who cares enough to do things for you as well.

 You’re over the hookup/fling phase.
Debating whether to get a new number so old guys can’t come out of the blue texting you? You’re at the point where you value your time and don’t want to waste it on a guy who doesn’t care. You want to feel like you’re a real person with a heart and feelings. But you also make it impossible to let nice guys in. It’s a lose-lose situation.

The solution? Continue doing you.
There’s not much you can do in this situation. You’re in the middle of being over games but not ready to settle down. You’re still young— focus on yourself some more, meet new friends, pick up a new hobby, go on dates but don’t go home with the guy unless you want to, and if the right guy comes around just feel it out. If you’re meant to fall in love—it’s going to happen regardless if you want it to or not. Just don’t give up on your dreams and doing the things you want to do.

A Letter to My Ex Best Friend

I keep reading similar posts about letters to ex best friends but nothing really seems to fit my situation so I thought I would write my own. We didn’t get in a huge fight, nothing tragic happened, you didn’t have a kid or start dating someone I used to like, we didn’t even really grow apart- we just stopped talking.

Our relationship just disappeared like a dirt road being paved- all of the bumps, holes, and memories we left along the way were just paved over never to be seen again. 
I honestly can’t even remember the last conversation we had or the last thing we did together. I moved and was no longer right around the corner. You never asked me how things were with the move, how I liked it, if you could come visit or if I could visit you. I know I could have reached out to you but we had been through this before- I was always the one who reached out. Why should it always be me?

Days, weeks, months, and now YEARS have went by and I haven’t seen you or spoken to you. I thought maybe I would run into you the few times I was back around but I didn’t. I figured you may wonder why we stopped talking and reach out. Nothing. 

I’ll never really know why our friendship ended the way it did. We both live different lives now. I think of you when one of our old songs comes on, if I’m driving past a certain place, reading my old journal, or even when I feel like I have no one to turn too wishing you were still around. 

Thanks for the memories and being there when you were, I wish you the best in life and hope you achieve great things. Maybe one day that newly paved road will get worn down and under it’s surface will be bits and pieces of our old dirt road. But maybe, they will repave the road before it starts to reveal old memories.